Seems like Peter Molyneux is starting a sweet new trend where developers review their own games. This sounded like a lot of fun, so I decided to take a short break from bug fixing to review The Dishwasher: Dead Samurai.
Behold, your review, after the break:
The Dishwasher: Dead Samurai Review
Falling short of our expectations, and not even looking good while doing so.
I’ll go out and say it: The Dishwasher: Dead Samurai is a game. Before we got our review copies, we were under the impression that The Dishwasher was some sort of dating sim with undertones of reducing carbon footprints. Well… sadly… no, this is fairly far from the case. Not only were the promises of fetch-x-bring-to-y quests and whack-a-mole minigames dashed soundly, but every opportunity The Dishwasher had to remind us to live resource-conscience, carbon-neutral lifestyles was squandered.
As for the rest of the game, it’s a mess.
The graphics in The Dishwasher are 2D. In this day and age, this is completely inexcusable: not only are 2D graphics completely inadequate at capturing our imaginations, but 2D–by definition–is not HD. Playing a standard definition game on next-gen hardware hooked up to a monstrous plasma display just seems wasteful–much like that game’s treatment of environmentally-friendly messages.
The gameplay is basically broken. The protagonist, a dishwasher, doesn’t actually wash dishes, at least not in the 30-40 minutes of game play we tried before writing this review. Instead of dishwashing maneuvers, the buttons are mapped to meat cleaver and katana attacks, which won’t help you wash dishes in the slightest. Even if we tried to rate the game on it’s combat aesthetic, we still see some rather nasty glaring ommissions, such as:
- Blades of Chaos
- A reasonably sized manskirt (knee-length seems appropriate)
- Nudity
- A boss the size of a large building that takes roughly forty-five minutes to beat, during which the hero must perform at least two dozen quick time events, transform twice, travel through time, and discover something important about himself
Like we said: basically broken.
The story for The Dishwasher is largely skippable, mainly because you have to actually read it. Of course, to be fair, we may have missed an avid explanation as to why the game is not a dating sim as well as a few stern warnings about the dire state of the Earth’s climate.
We had a lot of high expectations for The Dishwasher, but we were left monumentally ensaddened.
Final score: 1/10
September 2, 2008 at 7:39 pm |
I have to admit that I laughed quite heartily at this, especially the God of War references. Good show!
September 3, 2008 at 7:06 am |
Aw, darn. I was really looking forward to an environmentally-conscious, sim dating game, starring an actual dishwasher. Guess I’ll have to look elsewhere now…
September 4, 2008 at 2:01 am |
wow i liked the demo to this game when i first played it i think it was a year ago.now we have moved onto a new demographics where the ps3 and 360 are close in term of total installed based?any chance of you and your team working on a ps3 game?
September 4, 2008 at 2:19 am |
[...] most every developer is an honest soul (it’s true). This developer honesty can be seen in Silva’s review of The Dishwasher, where he gives his own game 1 out of 10, calling it “a mess” admitting that “not [...]
September 4, 2008 at 2:32 am |
[...] that most every developer is an honest soul (it’s true). This developer honesty can be seen in Silva’s review of The Dishwasher, where he gives his own game 1 out of 10, calling it “a mess” admitting that “not only are 2D [...]
September 4, 2008 at 2:35 am |
[...] that most every developer is an honest soul (it’s true). This developer honesty can be seen in Silva’s review of The Dishwasher, where he gives his own game 1 out of 10, calling it “a mess” admitting that “not only are 2D [...]
September 4, 2008 at 2:56 am |
[...] that most every developer is an honest soul (it’s true). This developer honesty can be seen in Silva’s review of The Dishwasher, where he gives his own game 1 out of 10, calling it “a mess” admitting that “not only are 2D [...]
September 4, 2008 at 3:12 am |
Right now I’m only focusing on an XBLA release. Windows is always possible, but PSN, considering I’d have to rewrite the whole thing in C++, is probably not going to happen.
September 4, 2008 at 3:23 am |
thanks for the answer james.i see if i pick it up on xbla i rarely buy games off of xbl but this game look great from the demo of months ago and i do like to support indie developers!!!
September 4, 2008 at 4:20 am |
[...] [We get to review our own games!] [...]
September 4, 2008 at 9:37 am |
[...] game developer Ska Studios has decided to take inspiration from Peter Molyneux and review its own upcoming game, The Dishwasher: Dead Samurai. Accusing the game of "Falling short of our expectations, and [...]
September 4, 2008 at 12:21 pm |
[...] Dishwasher: Dead Samurai również zrecenzował swój tytuł. Tekst Jamesa możecie przeczytać na jego blogu, ale od razu muszę Was ostrzec, że w przeciwieństwie do Petera ostro krytykuje on swoje dzieło. [...]
September 4, 2008 at 2:00 pm |
[...] I now have respect for Ska Studios. [...]
September 4, 2008 at 5:32 pm |
[...] own game Fable II a 9 out of 10 (right..), and James Silva doing a similar take by scoring his game The Dishwasher: Dead Samurai a 1 out of 10, we’d like to hear from fellow indie game developers about reviews and scores [...]
September 4, 2008 at 7:17 pm |
[...] most every developer is an honest soul (it’s true). This developer honesty can be seen in Silva’s review of The Dishwasher, where he gives his own game 1 out of 10, calling it “a mess” admitting that “not [...]
September 4, 2008 at 8:36 pm |
[...] last night I came across an article from the developers of this game and my jaw dropped. They gave it a 1/10. :O WTF!? I was in complete shock and cannot believe this. Still, regardless what reviews say, I [...]
September 5, 2008 at 1:08 am |
[...] Dishwasher: Dead Samurai również zrecenzował swój tytuł. Tekst Jamesa możecie przeczytać na jego blogu, ale od razu muszę Was ostrzec, że w przeciwieństwie do Petera ostro krytykuje on swoje dzieło. [...]
September 5, 2008 at 4:18 am |
[...] most every developer is an honest soul (it’s true). This developer honesty can be seen in Silva’s review of The Dishwasher, where he gives his own game 1 out of 10, calling it “a mess” admitting that “not [...]
September 5, 2008 at 5:10 am |
[...] developer, James Silva, took the opportunity to review his own game before its release. Silva declares that it’s inexcusable for his game to have 2D graphics. 2D is “by definition” not [...]
September 5, 2008 at 5:40 am |
[...] developer, James Silva, took the opportunity to review his own game before its release. Silva declares that it’s inexcusable for his game to have 2D graphics. 2D is “by definition” not [...]
September 5, 2008 at 7:02 am |
[...] pode ler o review do jogo pelo próprio James Silva (esse sobrenome…) ccliando aqui.> A expectativa agora é imensa para ver se essa beleza da arte-digital é tudo isso. Agora, vou te [...]
September 5, 2008 at 7:43 am |
[...] developer, James Silva, took the opportunity to review his own game before its release. Silva declares that it’s inexcusable for his game to have 2D graphics. 2D is “by definition” not [...]
September 5, 2008 at 9:00 am |
[...] developer, James Silva, took the opportunity to review his own game before its release. Silva declares that it’s inexcusable for his game to have 2D graphics. 2D is “by definition” not [...]
September 5, 2008 at 11:45 am |
[...] most every developer is an open feeling (it’s true). This developer herb crapper be seen in Silva’s analyse of The Dishwasher, where he gives his possess mettlesome 1 discover of 10, occupation it “a mess” [...]
September 5, 2008 at 4:20 pm |
[...] developer, James Silva, took the opportunity to review his own game before its release. Silva declares that it’s inexcusable for his game to have 2D graphics. 2D is “by definition” not [...]
September 5, 2008 at 5:37 pm |
[...] the rest by clicking here to go to his [...]
September 5, 2008 at 6:05 pm |
[...] We Get To Review Our Own Games! [James Silva Devblog via Xbox 360 Fanboy] [...]
September 5, 2008 at 7:29 pm |
OK dude, if I was ever considering not buying your game (Due to poor purchase decisions in my past… Braid mainly), I’ve changed my mind now. If your game has as much effort put into it as this review, then it must be worth buying.
September 6, 2008 at 8:04 pm |
Well, I’m sold.
Pity I have no 360, however …
September 7, 2008 at 11:12 pm |
I´m dying to play this game!
Great “review” =p
October 31, 2008 at 10:08 am |
You got some points there James. I just don’t see why they all count as negatives for the score.
Nudity and a boss which takes 45 minutes to beat? I hope you didn’t exaggerate those points
January 5, 2009 at 9:05 pm |
[...] Not to say I’m complaining. Especially considering what I wanted to give the game… [...]
April 3, 2009 at 11:24 pm |
[...] But then again, don’t we all know how I feel about game reviews? [...]